Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Gender bending

Today was Grammy's funeral. I walked into the room wearing my black dress - the go-anywhere black dress that we all read was a wardrobe basic in Cosmo , back in the late 80s - and Lucy looked at me and asked "Why are you being a girl today?". I thought that going out to work each morning dressed in trousers would be somewhat counter-balanced by my breasts and vagina (or at least my uterus might give me away) but no - despite our best intentions to to de-emphasise gender, girls wear dresses.

Oddly, Lu and Nell almost never wear dresses but Lu's very clear that they are girls (because they are brave, and apparently boys are 'often not so brave', poor possums). Kids' gender rules are more confusing than those in men's mags (and women's mags and just about everywhere else in society), that's for sure.


The girls slept through the funeral. On the way to the wake we explained Lu wouldn't be able to say good-bye to Grammy:

"But I wanted to kiss her".
"I know but now she is in heaven and so you can't".
"I want to go to heaven and kiss her".
"Well, we're going to the bowls club to eat cake instead".
"That's good too".

No use pining for things you can't have, I guess.


Thanks to all those who left such caring comments. It's been hard and sad but some peace is beginning to grow in my heart.


Tamsin said...

Oh Kris...checking in after taking a holiday from the internet for a few days...

I'm so sorry to hear about your Grammy. I'm sure that you were there when she needed it the most, but I'm sad that in the end you weren't there when you felt you needed to be. I used to think that, given a choice, dying of old age was the way to go, that it would be peaceful, that you would be reconciled to death. But seeing it up close, it's terrible. These wonderful strong women, who have laughed and cried and soldiered on and fought for their families and just endured for ninety odd years, they're not going to let go of life that easily.

I hope you're doing OK.

Love, as always, and thinking of you xx

Kez said...

Good to see cake wins out - the resilience of kids!

Daisy said...

Oh my.... I really haven't been blogging much lately. I'm am so sorry about your Grammy. As I get older, I appeciate the elders in my life. I wish I wasn't an obnoxious teenager when my Grandmother died. I miss her sponge and her vegie soup. I miss xmas day with her and her long fingernails tapping on the table as she looks for that next puzzle piece. Her screaming at the telly for the Hawks to win and the length her ash would get on her menthol cigerettes in the ashtray when she forgot she had one lit. I can't believe its been 15 years, yet these memories still remain as strong as ever.
I spend every Tuesday with my Grandad (90 this year), cleaning or gardening for him. Yesterday I left his house with a tear in my eye and a feeling of complete sadness that I had to go back in and hug him. Damn it- tears now!
I wish I turned the computer off after I posted my blog. If I wasn't sad enough! :)Then I pop over to yours for a visit!
On a happier note... I'm looking forward to going to Ceres in Brunswick tomorrow. Your Northey St visit sounds like a similar visit. I can't wait for my cup of chai, sunshine and hopefully a happier baby. Sweet dreams xo

Lost in a reverie... said...

Love you lots and thinking of you.

meggie said...

Thoughts for you, for your loss.xx